Here’s a list of the top seven 2015 College Football Scouting Prospects!!
Wayfron P. Jackson:
6' 6", 215 lbs. Wide Receiver. Hottest prospect from Texas in the last ten years. Loves rap music. Demands a mini-cassette in his helmet. Currently holds world record for the most "you knows" during an interview (62 in one minute). Wayfron can print, and sign his complete name.
Committed to Pitt.
Quinticious Jenkins:
6' 3", 220 lbs. Running Back. Set state scoring record out of Triton High School, Dunn, NC. Also led the state in burglaries, but has only nine (9) convictions. He has been clocked at 4.2 seconds in the 40-yard dash with a 19-inch TV under each arm. Said he is proud of his "elusitivity” and because he can use left or right hand equally well he is "amphibious."
Committed to Penn State.
Roosevelt "Dude" Dansell:
6' 1", 195 lbs. Running Back. From Tyler, TX. He has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams very well. Before he signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to change colors to chartreuse and pink.
Listed his church preference as "red brick."
Committed to the University of Notre Dame.
Woodrow Lee Washington:
6' 8", 310 lbs. Tackle. From a 4th generation welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of 21 children.
Mother claims Woodrow and child No. 9 have the same father. He has a manslaughter trial pending, but feels he will be found innocent because "The dude said sumpin' bad 'bout my momma." On his entrance form, he listed his I.Q. as 20/20.
Committed to Ohio State.
Willie "Night Train" Jones:
6'4", 225 lbs. Quarterback. Born on an Amtrak train. Birth certificate indicates he is 24 years old. Thinks the "N" on Nebraska's helmets stands for "Nowledge”, but still meets this school's stringent entrance requirements. Insists on wearing No. 32 jersey since it matches his score on his SAT test.
Committed to Ole Miss.
Tyrone "Python" Peoples:
6'10", 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a pending paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his other 9 victims will file charges. Tyrone had already signed letters of intent with six other colleges. Likes wild women and red Cadillac’s. Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Telephone Company.
Committed to Florida St.
Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali-Ali:
6'10", 305 lbs. Guard. Played high school ball under the name Sylvester Lee Jones until he discovered religion. Abdul thinks Sherlock Holmes is a housing project in Jacksonville, Fl. Doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear”. (Doesn't know the meaning of many other words, either.)
Committed to Mississippi State
Note:
College track coaches intend to use several of the above signees in their track programs. However, instead of using a starting pistol at track meets, the NCAA has now agreed to use a burglar alarm.
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