Hold on to your nuts!

**One Sweet Day** · 10-27-2007, 07:57 PM

Some laughs.

'My sister and I were at teh mall and passed by a store that sold a variey of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "no, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet red and walked away.'

'Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three year old son had a l a ot of problems potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven month old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'no.' I kept thinking, 'oh, Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?' 'No,' he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooo, I asked hime one more time, 'Danny, did you have an accident?' This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, and bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. SEE MOM ITS JUST FARTS!!!!. While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.'

A true story. We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too!

While on a flight from NY, the stewardess was busy passing out peanuts and cokes to everyone. There were about sixteen flights lined up waiting to get clearance to take off. Then then other stewardess got a message from the pilot htat the tower said they were first to take off and to have everyone buckle up. Without thining she just announced 'Please buckle up, grab your drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off!' No one saw her for the rest of the flight.

**One Sweet Day** · 10-28-2007, 08:43 PM

Urgent - Very important!!! DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS PLAY WITH FLIP PHONES!A new study has revealed that flip phones have caused very serious side effects to the reproductive development of young children.As the photo below shows, it can also lead to localized pain and discomfort. Pass this on for the sake of all children, please.

**One Sweet Day** · 10-28-2007, 08:46 PM

Sorry...another one.

Nun in a taxi

A cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY
handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't
want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When
you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I
have, you get a chance to see and hear just about
everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could
say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss
me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about
that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be
Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm
single and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would
make a hooker blush

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver
starts crying.

"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must
confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm
going to a Halloween party."